La La How The Life Goes On

An Affair to Forget to Remember

Posted on: June 14, 2010

A friend and I were talking the other day about affairs and men and whatnot. Not necessarily about the Tiger Woods/Jesse James stuff, because those are not the norm. Or perhaps they are the norm, only writ large and super skanky. In any case, we were trying to figure out how devious you have to be to cheat, and why more husbands than wives seem to cheat. Our answer, as all the mothers out there can attest, is simple:

WHERE THE HELL ARE WE FINDING THE TIME AND ENERGY TO HAVE SEX WITH A SECOND MAN?

Hello! When would all this sordid seksi-time be happening? Between 9:30 and 10:00am when the baby is watching Elmo? And when would the leg-shaving and even basic bathing be happening that would be a prerequisite for this passionate secret rendezvous? We can barely get our hair together and get the kids out the door as it is. If I had some hot dude coming over at 11am I’m hard-pressed to see how anyone is eating dinner that night what with that empty fridge courtesy of me skipping the groceries that day. And how does that get explained? Um…I decided to watch The View instead?

Bottom line: Stay at Home Moms have zero opportunity to cheat, unless you are that kind of SAHM who has time for tennis lessons and lunches with friends and all those other activities where you, you know, meet actual people who don’t have a backpack full of diapers on them and don’t excuse themselves to go to “the potty.” No, if you’re my kind of SAHM, your dance card is pretty full already on a daily basis.

So I mentioned this to the Dada with my incredulous, “Like, what would the woman do? Invite a dude over while the kid is napping?! Who would do that?!”

He looked at me and said laughing, “And there’s your answer why more men cheat, because a guy TOTALLY would invite someone over while the kid naps! Guys MAKE the time!”

I laughed hysterically. Then added, “Don’t think I won’t cut you” just to ensure there were no misunderstandings. 😉

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