La La How The Life Goes On

Tony Tony Tone-Deaf

Posted on: June 14, 2010

During basketball commercials we are flipping over to The Tony Awards. Why? For the sheer entertainment! Not the theater kind, because I actually kind of don’t like Tha Theeatah as a rule, but the entertainment that comes from observing something as a total snarky outsider.

First things I noticed: I recognize no one. No wait! There’s Denzel! And Christopher Walken! That’s two. Oh! I also see Scarlett Johanssen’s boobs. So that makes four.

What makes viewing The Tonys so surreal is that it reminds me of watching TV in China, where you can see that the people on the TV are obviously very famous to the people around them, that this event is obviously Very Important, that this whole thing looks like something about which I should very much care, based on the production values alone. And yet…and yet…I recognize no one. The entire production could be a hoax and I’d be none the wiser. The attendees could all be saying in their special language, “I can’t wait to see the hidden camera footage of the stooge girl watching us and thinking this is a real show!” and I’d remain clueless.

It’s like a riddle: if no one knows you’re famous, are you still famous? Oh! Speaking of “not famous” what person who has probably just been fired brought Paula Abdul on to present the choreography award?! That lady brought 12 kinds of batshit crazy to American Idol’s season finale, and they risked the whole (fake? hoax?) show by giving her an open mic? That almost PROVES The Tonys are a made-up event! Because if Paula can keep a lid on her craziness for the 4.3 minutes it takes to deliver an award, then you KNOW the fix is in. If this show were real, she’d be clearly off her meds and be all rubbing up against Tony Shalhoub on camera and making the whole audience wildly uncomfortable.

In any event, we’re back to the Celtics for the end of the game (and also because the In Memoriam segment started and it seems beyond idiotic to not only watch living people you don’t know but dead ones as well). I have two comments about this game, which is another enterprise about which I know and care nothing: First, there is a Laker player named Fisher who has the most regrettable look I’ve ever seen. The bald head (good) with what the Dada called, “The Beard to Nowhere” (bad). Why would any man select this style? It just looks wrong. Asymmetrical. Wrong. I can’t put my finger on it exactly but I hate it. Second, I am LOVING the African-American lady behind the bench who is standing up while the refs are discussing a call, waving her hand and making it clear that She is Coming Down There if the right call is not made. So awesome! DO NOT MESS with bleachers lady! I’m just hoping The Tonys hire her next year for their show, if it really IS a show, that is.

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2 Responses to "Tony Tony Tone-Deaf"

You’ve got to be kidding!!! The Tony’s are great. Of course I do love Tha Theeatah. But not knowing “faces” is the point, isn’t it. Unlike the movies or TV, The STAGE is about the material and THE ACTING. Yes, acting. In front of an audience . You know, you actually have to learn lines and act for 2 or so hours without someone yelling CUT!!! Do another take. O.k. so Paula Abdul was a ridiculous choice. I give you that. And….
Go Celtics!!
Aunt S

YOu know, that’s a good point about the difference between theater and film. I will, as much as it pains me, concede that point. 🙂

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