La La How The Life Goes On

Archive for November 2010

I’m going to stop beginning blog posts with “I’m back!” Because we all know that is a lie. I’m back when I can swing it; that’s about the best I can do these days.

So many items to review!

1. Baby Sister’s second birthday:
A small affair, a couple of kids, a nice time. Made truly special by seeing her figure out that it was all about HER. Don’t get me wrong; she’s two, so developmentally she pretty much assumes it’s always all about her. But it was just so sweet to see her do that “what? for ME?” face time after time. And immeasurably sweet to share this birthday with her in person since we had to have her first birthday party in absentia last year. I was telling the Babydaddy how (like with Bambina) it just feels like she’s always been here, and I like that.

2. Halloween.
Baby Sister’s first, and boy was she not having it. I got her an adorable bumblebee costume from Old Navy, which she wore as a jacket to humor me. She would not, however, put it on at actual trick or treating/photo time regardless of our encouragement. So off we went down the street with Bambina and her friends. House #1, Baby Sister says “eat my shorts” to us, but watches closely. House #2, lightbulb goes on; notices wads of candy being deposited into costumed children’s bags. House #3: “buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzz!!” Up to the door where she grabbed the entire box of candy from the nice lady and had to be schooled in baseline trick or treat etiquette. Bambina went as a bride, which did not thrill the BBDD. i assured him it was not romantic or adult or anything like that for her, as evidenced by Pop’s question about the identity of the groom. Bambina’s response: “What’s a groom?”

3. Bambina’s bon mots and malapropisms.
She just recently pronounced Reese’s Penis her favorite candy.
She is convinced that Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi contains the lyrics, “Regular Jews, we’re so generous…” [leather and jeans, garage glamorous].
When I asked her if she knew the name of the teacher’s aide in her class, she replied, “Mama! Of course I don’t!” Upon further reflection, Bambina informed me that his name is “Man Teacher Steve.”
Her favorite part of the school day last Tuesday was not math, not phonics, not art. It was doing, “a giant poopie in the bathroom!”

4. My GVHD.
The usual bag of hammers. Now it’s affecting my eyes, so I spend a good part of the day pouring drops into my blurry, light-sensitive eyes. Then I put gel in them at night to restore moisture so I don’t wake up with bloodshot irritated whites to go with my prednisone lard ass. Although I have finally decided, once and for all, to give myself a break on the added weight. Why? Because I had some kind of food poisoning last week that resulted in a three day hospitalization, two days of no food whatsoever, and two days of clear liquids only. Pounds lost = ZERO POINT ZERO. I shit you not, friends. Basically, 10 hours of vomiting, 20 hours of diarrhea, four days of no food–and ZERO pounds lost. If that is not an indictment of the Evil that is Prednisone, I simply don’t know what is. I mean, if you can’t count on a good stomach virus for getting into those old pants, what CAN you count on?! It’s an effing outrage.

5. My Ongoing Irritation with Old Timers (of all ages)
Two times this week, friends, I have been in line behind someone WRITING A CHECK for the cashier. And filling out that little check register on the spot while we all waited and waited. What?! A check??!! I have to go dig one out of the deep recesses of my desk to pay the babysitter because I pretty much have no use for them in any practical sense. We do all our bills online. Not necessarily automatic payment, mind you, but online nonetheless. So much so that I kept paying our temple dues late because I had to remind myself that I had to go search for our check book, write it out, put it in an envelope and mail it with a stamp. Who DOES this?! I finally went to the office and laid it out: I’m not writing any more checks if you want your money on time. You have to have another option here in the year 5771, right? Luckily they do have online credit card payment, so we shall be late no more–and another check will live to see 2011…and probably 2012. If you don’t believe me, just know that we only recently reached that “Reorder your checks now!” flap, and we’ve lived in our house for two years. And also know, if I’m behind you in line? It’s called a debit card! Use it!

6. Finally, the brewing controversy over TSA security patdowns. I say it this way: I am in favor of being felt up. I am in favor of airport security. I am not in favor of being felt up by airport security. This is unacceptable and probably a case of closing the barn door after the cows have escaped. Meanwhile the trains and cargo holds of ships go unchecked, but good thing that disgruntled clock watcher at Logan got to sample the Jones Family Jewels in the name of safety. The comedian Mike Birbiglia said it best: “If a strange man has to cup your balls before you get on a flight, the terrorists win.”

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