La La How The Life Goes On

That’s Not My Bag, Baby

Posted on: January 26, 2011

I’m dating myself, but that’s a line from the first (ie, funny) Austin Powers movie when he is discovered to be carrying a Swedish Penis Enlarger.  I bring it up because it’s how I feel at the pharmacy these days.  As you may already know I take acyclovir while I’m immune-suppressed to ensure I don’t get particular viruses.   Many of the Star Spangled Haggis readers will recall my dismay when I read the not-so-fine print and found out its major use is for herpes.  All those months of going to the pharmacy insouciantly, breezily picking up my acyclovir, never once imagining that the dude behind the desk is thinking I have a sexually-transmitted disease that weeps and crusts.  Awesome.

Fast forward to today, where I am picking up Revatio for Baby Sister’s heart and lungs.  Anyone out there ever heard of Revatio?  Well, perhaps you’ve heard of Sildenafil.  No? Then let me help you out:  it’s Viagra.  Yep. Who knew that the penis power aspect of Viagra was only discovered as a side effect of the drug’s actual use, which is in heart patients.   So the wee one is on that for a period of time, and I suppose we should all be grateful she does not have male naughty bits or we’d be in some serious trouble.  Between the two of us, we’re just one more iffy prescription away from running a bona fide p(rno pharmaceutical ring in the suburbs.

The drug of course came with myriad warnings about all the terrible things that can happen while taking this drug (which really does indicate the power of sex to the human male, because if you really read the list and ponder all the genuinely unpleasant shit that can befall you just so you can get en erection, any sane person would run like hell).  My favorite warning also speaks to the cliche man of a certain age:  “Stop use and contact your doctor immediately if you suddenly lose vision.”  They have to tell you this?!!  Men have to be encouraged to report sudden blindness?! But I guess they do, because you KNOW you know a man who’d be sitting there blind and thinking, “I’ll call the doctor if I still can’t see by Friday…”

Perhaps someday we will go to the pharmacy for normal things like robitussin or band aids.  Or a Swedish Penis Enlarger.  Until then, we’re the Joneses, proud sufferers of erectlie dysfunction and herpes since 2007.


2 Responses to "That’s Not My Bag, Baby"

I’m guessing the pharmacists thought process is something like this….”Um….lady, if you weren’t obviously making guys go through the one prescription like candy you might not be needing the other…you hussy.”

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