La La How The Life Goes On

In A Word: Expedit

Posted on: March 2, 2011

The good people at NaBloPoMo (which is not, as it may sound, a porn site but rather National Blog Posting Month dedicated to ongoing bloggery) have set “In A Word” as March’s blogging theme.  Writers are to put pen to paper/finger to keyboard every day with a word that sums up the day.  I therefore give you: Expedit.  It’s not misspelled; it’s Swedish.  For “shelf I bought at Ikea.”

We are a shoes-off family. We own a lot of shoes.  We have an improbably small entryway to our house.  These three things do not go together, unless you enjoy footwear anarchy, ie, having piles of shoes cluttering and tripping you when you walk in your door.  Our home has been in florsheim freefall for years, and I finally decided to put a stop to it after seeing the home of one of Bambina’s friends.  The family is Chinese (and therefore also a shoes-off house), and they had this wonderful, small-house-appropriate shelf that I almost stole right out from under them but for the fact that it was loaded down with shoes.

So beautiful!  So not huge! So cheap!  And, er, only a trip to an Ikea with two kids younger than 7 to get it!  The entire drive down there (because Ikeas are always “down there” or “up there” but never really near you, are they?) I was thinking, “This is a mistake. This is a mistake. All for one shelf? Why didn’t you just order online? This is going to be a disaster.” But we got there, I coached the girls that we had to be focused and goal-oriented because we did not want to hit rush-hour traffic on the way home and we did not want to forget anything after driving all the way here.  So we immediately went to the kiddie area (scissors for $3!  Paint for $4!  Stuffies for $5!), and each girl picked out one thing.   Baby Sister got a rabbit while Bambina picked out a large doll bed.  Their loot safely in their giddy little hands, both girls were then amenable to making the trek to “self service furniture” to pick up the shelf. Expedit!

You know “self service furniture.”  It’s where you write down your item’s location (Aisle 8, Bin 4), go there, and then slip a disc putting the item in your cart.  Screw that.  I went to the desk and had The Guy Who Looks Like Steve From Blues Clues put it in the cart for me, which he did with a smile.  Nice!  We picked up little aloe and cactus plants for the BabyDaddy’s office (“succulents” as I like to say Cliff Clavenly), aloe for the girls, and off we went to check out, sans tantrums, drama or whining.  Expedit!

We got home in no traffic.  I made a dinner that the children ate.  We played school downstairs, with Bambina actually consenting to having half her “class” room (“Room One, first grade”) turned into Baby Sister’s preschool “where she can teach the littlest and the slowest kids.”  Charming.  Dada came home.  Baby Sister went to bed happily and swiftly.  Bambina ate fish off BabyDaddy’s plate without complaining that it was a) fish and b) not mac and cheese.  She did her homework without incident.  She  went to bed happily and swiftly.  Expedit!

I then assembled the famous Expedit shelf…for the next two hours.  With three missing dowels, wordless directions (so international!), and me at one point using a hammer when no hammer was called for, my precious new shelf proved itself to be just like any other item purchased from Ikea:  Less Expedit, more Attityd.

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