La La How The Life Goes On

It’s Coming From Inside The House!

Posted on: May 3, 2011

Ah, Spring. When a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of love…of killing spiders.

Friends, the Jones domicile is under an attack of Hitchcockian proportions. Day One: three spiders. Day Two: eight spiders. Day Three: Arachnid holocaust, courtesy of Mama…and Gerry The Bug Man, as we affectionately call him.

Gerry The Bug Man schooled me in the dark arts of spider reproduction, and it is horrifying in all the Wes Craven ways you’d imagine. Holy mother of god, I think we need to move house.

Just so you can be up nights with me, I’d like to share that the spiders you are seeing in your house right now have been squatting on the premises since fucking OCTOBER. That’s right. You shared the Festival of Lights and the blessed birth of Christ with an untold number of Arachnids who were just hanging out, laying eggs, and waiting for things to warm up so they’d feel like moving around. Nice.

So Gerry sprayed to make feel like Something Is Being Done. But the truth, he gently told me, is that the only solution is a day of serious vacuuming with intent to slaughter. Vacuum every last square inch, floors and ceilings, even if you see nothing there. Because more than likely there is something there. Chillin top billin’ until it can crawl across your face as you sleep.

Y’all have a nice evenin’ now, ya hear? I’m off to vacuum.


1 Response to "It’s Coming From Inside The House!"

Get some praying mantis from a pet store. Install them in your yard. They will take care of the spider problem naturally and over about a year’s time. That way, no more Buggie Man next year!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 422 other followers

%d bloggers like this: