La La How The Life Goes On

Spot the First Grader

Posted on: May 19, 2011

None of these items deserve their own post, but together they may give you a little bit of a window into my daily life with an almost seven year-old girl.

1. Bambina recently told me that I should be happy that I’m fat because “there are lots of people who are thin but not pretty. You are at least fat AND pretty.” Um, thanks?

2. Bambina (again) has written a series of short stories, all entitled some variation of “Girls Are Fun! At the Beach” or “Girls Are Fun! At School!” It’s totally cute, but in every story she writes, “Girls are fun! Being a boy? Now that’s just silly.”

3. Bambina told me that a boy in her class says he can grab the sun and hold it above his head. I remarked that maybe he likes imagining he is a superhero. She replied, “But that’s dumb. Superheroes are just ‘mans’ running around in weird outfits.”

4. I’ll spare you the context, but she also remarked, “Poor Dada. He does not have a vagina.” I’m pretty certain Dada has made his peace with that reality, sweetheart.

5. Bambina completely embarrassed me the other day by regaling various adults with her “Dance With the Boobies and Bra” original composition. She’s done it before, but this time she added in a special “Poop” chorus, dedicated to farting and pooping in your mother’s face. She and her fellow first graders collaborated on the chorus. Some day Elton John will sing it at my funeral, I’m sure.

6. And finally, she was complaining that “Dada is too strict.” I explained that any Dada less strict than the Mama is a bad dada, because the entire job, the entire raison d’etre of a father is to shut down any notion, any idea, any whiff of anything that smells like loosey-goosey nonsense for his daughter. Her response? Does “loosey goosey nonsense” mean I can’t get a pony? Yes, Veruca, it does.

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1 Response to "Spot the First Grader"

Her comment about superheroes is so poignant. Especially in light of the whole Superman giving up his US citizenship controversy!

She is awesome. If I were a 7 year old girl, I would totally marry her!

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