La La How The Life Goes On


Posted on: October 5, 2011

So I taught Bambina the word, “ass” yesterday. Not because I wanted to, but because in the name of good parenting, I had to. She and I often spend the hour before bedtime snuggling in her bed making up ridiculous songs that entertain only ourselves. I confess that more than one has found a means of rhyming something with fart or poop, but the stink eye I get from the BabyDaddy is my punishment for that, and so I continue undaunted. Last night she randomly hit on a nonsense word that started with “ass” but I let it go. Until she decided she loved the sound and started pairing it up with every word she could think of, finally landing upon “ass-tastic!” At that point I knew she was so proud of herself that she would absolutely be unveiling her new song at school–and that she was going to find herself in the Principal’s office before 9am, completely bewildered and confused as to why. And so I took it upon myself as her mature and reverent elder to explain why she was unfortunately not going to be able to begin any series of words with the “ass” sound, however mellifluous it may be. I explained that it is a swear word for one’s bum. “what’s a swear word?!”. I’m sorry, are you my child?! Okay…basics. Swear words are words that are worse than potty talk words. They are words that make people upset. They are what Scottish Grandma used to tell me are “for people with limited vocabularies.” They are not words we use when we are being polite. “Okay, so no ass. Can I say acid?”. Yes you can, dear. Just don’t drop any.


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